remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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