Girls should come with a carfax report
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
