you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
