just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
