I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
