i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
