I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
