Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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