I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
