just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
