Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
