Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
