Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
