I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
