which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
