Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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