So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
