i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
