Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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