do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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