I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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