Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
