i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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