handjob tips. give me some.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dicks are not precious.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
