The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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