We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
