So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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