Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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