so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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