so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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