i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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