Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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