Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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