Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if only i could text you this smell
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
