Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
