Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
