Dual....:-)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
