I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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