We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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