oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
