i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
