just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
