the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
