i already hear my dad disowning me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hippo gnu deer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
