So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???