kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now