I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.