i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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