He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.