I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
