Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm way too hungover for life right now