using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.