I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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