grandma shit on top of the toilet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
