I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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