Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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