Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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