I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
