I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
