so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
