I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
