eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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