the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
