You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
