My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
