I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
