oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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