I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
