I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pooping to opera.
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