I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
