I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am one with the molecules
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
