so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They have beer where we have blood.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
