Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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