I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
