Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
