He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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