it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
