awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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