Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
